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Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Before the Print (1): Why Should I Love You?


Well, it was summer of 2011 when I had started it thinking no end. At that time I was not having laptop, thus each word on paper. I set the targets of daily writing and soon found that my notebook of some 100 pages filled. I looked it and it made me so happy and that finally I had written a manuscript of 100 pages. But that was not enough, it was still lacking end. I kept thinking for two months to add an end in it. Meanwhile, story jumped to next notebook and continued longer. Up to January of 2012, it had been some 175 pages and story was taking a turn. I was inserting new words daily after analysing and thinking many things at a time.

Meanwhile, excitement was on peak and I had spread news among all that I was about to finish the novel. I was quite confident about it. I knew content was quite better and there was no need of additional modification in it. I was sure that Srishti or any publisher will easily publish it under their name. It was only my curiosity that without completing it, I wrote a mail to Srishti Publisher; I had copied that email id from the front matter of book If I Pretend I Am Sorry, Will You Pretend and Forgive Me? by Prashant Sharma. That book was amazing one even I found it better than The Three Mistakes of My Life of Chetan Bhagat. In my very first mail to Srishti Publisher I had raised a query about how to publish it with them. They had replied there few conditions including word count between 40,000 and 50,000. I analysed my story, it was of something 60,000 words after finished. I shoot my next mail asking what if exceed word count 50,000. And in turn, I did not receive any reply from them.

Once when at home and thinking about the characters introduced in the story, I concluded that the story that is written up to 154 pages is completely illogical and is not what I had to write.
On page 155, there was the first word of this current story. Now I had been sincere towards it; I was not eager to finish it but put the depth of reading and literature in it. Gradually, I fuelled it again and breathed its soul. Soon days then months and then another year passed and it appeared matured. Story was growing gradually. Later, in June 2013 when I purchased a laptop for me, I continued the story on it. Meanwhile, I had thrown away those 154 pages of story which never saw any readers except me. Even I did not want anyone to read those pages so I burnt those pages and stood there until fire died into ashes.

It took me a bit time to set my fingers on the soft keyboard but soon we became friend. Now I had end of the story in mind but the thing I was not having was time. Yeah, I was quite busy preparing for GATE 2014. When I appeared for GATE 2014 on 9 February, I decided to prioritise the completion of the story. Meanwhile, I was confused about its title. There were two titles in mind. One was Why Should I Love You? and other one was Innocent Girl of Mine. This mystery continued so long. I dedicated much of my time to it and then it was 10:30 pm of 17th April 2014, when I came to know that I had been failed in GATE Examination. I had secured only 17 marks out of 100 in General category. I was sad about it but they say you are strong in words when you are disappoint, so I was. I went to my room, closed it and switched on my laptop. My fingers were running so fast on it as never been. I kept typing without blinking my eyes and words continued falling in my mind. Each line was connecting each other and bringing story towards its end. I had been sure that this night would be special to me. I knew today I would put the last word of the story.

There was no pain in my fingers but a fire, a fire of emotions. I could see flakes of all characters appearing in front of my eyes. It seemed all characters were weeping in front of me and asking me not to end the story to let them live their live. There cry was beating the silence of that night. But I was cruel; I decapitated their wish and did not hear anything except my mind.

And then, it was 3:09 am at night when I wrote the last word of this story. My fingers wanted a rest, my mind had been tired, my heart swallowed, but I had peace now. A story which I had started some three years ago in 2011 had been over with some 47,000 words.
...To be continued
Kamal Paneru
Author WSILY?